Play with me

[simpleruser]

1. go here
2. pick a character
3. reply with character request in the subject line, build up a scene of your preference (tl;dr, au, canon, crack, short, I don't even mind)
4. I will bang it like a heavy metal band

(shamelessly ganked from the lovely sugartits)

Comments

[fetidmustard]

[Her Captor, it fizzles like his psiionics through his mind. No other Captors to be claimed in the area but it feels important. It could be important.]

Average exploration of a planet takes two perigees but extended deep water and cavernous exploration can stretch as long as five sweeps.

[l1ck1ng]

[It's important as long as it's him. She finishes with his back and steps back from him to handle one of his arms. She scrubs thoroughly, because they already have one stinky troll on board, and scrapes off the sopor that's congealed on his skin.]

Yawn. A drone makes a better feeder than you.

[fetidmustard]

Incorrect. Drones feed only themselves, sifting bacteria through the air and from the impure genetic material to refine it for the mother grub. [The things you learn when you have entire encyclopaedias of knowledge in your head.]

[l1ck1ng]

You make knowledge boring, Sollux.

[fetidmustard]

Incorrect.

Studies from the latitudinal research facility have determined that under the right circumstances all discussion based on factual information can be stimulating. Shifting blame: major character flaw - noted.

[Incorrect he said, but the muscles in his shoulder bunch up and there was a strain on 'factual', latitudinal research facility doesn't exist. Latitudinal research facility is him talking out of his ass.]

[l1ck1ng]

Are you calling me flawed?! [Gasped the dignified and mature troll now pinching his side.]

[fetidmustard]

William Trollspeare is quoted as having said 'if the podiatric encapsulator fits'. [He doesn't feel the pinch at all, all his processing power is being put toward sounding like a troll.]

[l1ck1ng]

I will be quoted as saying 'shut up, Captor'.

[fetidmustard]

On record. Immediate response: eat me.

[l1ck1ng]

Counter-response: haha, you wish.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. Cannibalism of trolls who have pupated causes damage to higher pan function and can lead to pusher complications and liver failure. Desire for initiation into eating is not present. [Deputy Downer Captor.]

[l1ck1ng]

We eat our weaker grubs, dumb dumb. Different kind of eating I was talking about.

[fetidmustard]

Alternate definition for 'eating' not found on file. Please submit a linguistics report by the next night.

Pupation causes toxins to form rendering troll flesh not recommended for ingestion. Grubs contain vital nutrients for stimulating growth.

[l1ck1ng]

Nevermind, conscript. Nevermind. [Never ever innuendoing at him again. Sigh.]

[fetidmustard]

Withholding information is unjust.

[l1ck1ng]

Bringing up justice is unjust.

[fetidmustard]

[He mouths some words, it's a struggle sure enough but what comes out after the proper processing time is:] Your lusus is unjust.

[l1ck1ng]

[Must he zone in on the unhatched dead lusus? Really?] Your bulge is unjust.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. The alignment of Sollux Captor's Bulge is true neutral. [Sometimes small jokes from before their lives began rotting sift through to be archived. Junk alignment is one such factoid.]

[l1ck1ng]

Your bulge is like the bulge of Lady Justice, then. True neutral, unalligned. Whapping crime into submission.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. Injuries recorded through bulge whapping approximate seventy. Speculation and noted rumours have it above five hundred. Bulge design is not optimal for whapping.

[l1ck1ng]

You lost all your imagination and it sucks. [Don't make her whap you with hers, because well - it's right there.]

[fetidmustard]

Affirmative.

[If he could feel guilt he'd be feeling it now. And there is a small spark that is guilty. It's just not connected to anything else, certainly nothing that could convey it to her.]