Play with me

[simpleruser]

1. go here
2. pick a character
3. reply with character request in the subject line, build up a scene of your preference (tl;dr, au, canon, crack, short, I don't even mind)
4. I will bang it like a heavy metal band

(shamelessly ganked from the lovely sugartits)

Comments

[l1ck1ng]

You make knowledge boring, Sollux.

[fetidmustard]

Incorrect.

Studies from the latitudinal research facility have determined that under the right circumstances all discussion based on factual information can be stimulating. Shifting blame: major character flaw - noted.

[Incorrect he said, but the muscles in his shoulder bunch up and there was a strain on 'factual', latitudinal research facility doesn't exist. Latitudinal research facility is him talking out of his ass.]

[l1ck1ng]

Are you calling me flawed?! [Gasped the dignified and mature troll now pinching his side.]

[fetidmustard]

William Trollspeare is quoted as having said 'if the podiatric encapsulator fits'. [He doesn't feel the pinch at all, all his processing power is being put toward sounding like a troll.]

[l1ck1ng]

I will be quoted as saying 'shut up, Captor'.

[fetidmustard]

On record. Immediate response: eat me.

[l1ck1ng]

Counter-response: haha, you wish.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. Cannibalism of trolls who have pupated causes damage to higher pan function and can lead to pusher complications and liver failure. Desire for initiation into eating is not present. [Deputy Downer Captor.]

[l1ck1ng]

We eat our weaker grubs, dumb dumb. Different kind of eating I was talking about.

[fetidmustard]

Alternate definition for 'eating' not found on file. Please submit a linguistics report by the next night.

Pupation causes toxins to form rendering troll flesh not recommended for ingestion. Grubs contain vital nutrients for stimulating growth.

[l1ck1ng]

Nevermind, conscript. Nevermind. [Never ever innuendoing at him again. Sigh.]

[fetidmustard]

Withholding information is unjust.

[l1ck1ng]

Bringing up justice is unjust.

[fetidmustard]

[He mouths some words, it's a struggle sure enough but what comes out after the proper processing time is:] Your lusus is unjust.

[l1ck1ng]

[Must he zone in on the unhatched dead lusus? Really?] Your bulge is unjust.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. The alignment of Sollux Captor's Bulge is true neutral. [Sometimes small jokes from before their lives began rotting sift through to be archived. Junk alignment is one such factoid.]

[l1ck1ng]

Your bulge is like the bulge of Lady Justice, then. True neutral, unalligned. Whapping crime into submission.

[fetidmustard]

Negative. Injuries recorded through bulge whapping approximate seventy. Speculation and noted rumours have it above five hundred. Bulge design is not optimal for whapping.

[l1ck1ng]

You lost all your imagination and it sucks. [Don't make her whap you with hers, because well - it's right there.]

[fetidmustard]

Affirmative.

[If he could feel guilt he'd be feeling it now. And there is a small spark that is guilty. It's just not connected to anything else, certainly nothing that could convey it to her.]