simplerbox | Hot hackers, they're just like you but they're hot!

Hot hackers, they're just like you but they're hot!

[What's more annoying than a back seat driver? A back seat coder.

Sollux presses a finger to the screen, leaving a residual fingerprint. On purpose.]

Bracket.

[He'd noticed it five lines ago but for about two seconds he thought she could have the benefit of the doubt. Roxy isn't as terrible at this as most people, not as good as Sollux of course but that's because Sollux is the only one who can program his way out of a paper bag in the universe. According to him. But Roxy could program her way out of a soggy one, so she's close.]

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[He could rewrite it so Karkat doesn't actually have to be there to trigger the virus. But that would be boring. So they have to wait. Or, he's decided they have to wait and he's not fucking budging once he's decided something.]

Only if you can't think of anything to do.

[He pauses, looks over his shoulder. Opens his mouth to say "can you?" but closes it instead. He turns back, and slowly opens grubsweeper, clicking on one square and carefully marking another as a bad grub.]

[Can she think of something to do? She could think of a few things that she'd like to do, but the success of those intentions vary with how into fooling around he is at that moment. Hackers gotta hack all good plans, to be honest.

Still, she'll just do the subtle thing and - slip her hand up his shirt and count his spine knobs one by one - because to also be honest, she's never sure. Or rather, she's almost always sure that this'll just end up being like Dirk Strider 2.0. Only he'll probably turn out to only like trolls, instead of dicks.] A few things.

[That's subtle? Okay, well. Maybe it's subtle for her. Roxy seems to be like the type would would flash her shameglobes at anyone she wanted if she wasn't being subtle.

He does his best not to arch his back - fails miserably. Catches himself before he swears about it at least.]

That's not very detailed.

[He tries to be a good guy but he'd have to have been an idiot not to notice that Roxy is on the pretty side - or not so much on the pretty side as the totally banging and pretty spectacular side. And he thinks she's hot, too. But tries to be a good guy about it.]

[He should definitely arch his back a little more and he shouldn't repress all those feelings! Repression is bad.

For example, like right now, she's repressing making the suggestion of 'hey do you want to make out' and taking her hand back out from under his shirt and leaning forward again in her chair.

Wimpy.]

Wanna play tic-tac-toe?

No. [Wait. Polite.] Thanks.

That game is shit.

[Where did her fingers go? Why did her fingers go? Figures he'd have fucked it up already. Or misinterpreted human cues.

He twists around on his chair.]

You usually play it?

[Bullshit does she play it.] All the time. [On her own.]

We could make bets on clothes. [Yeah. Yeah, let's make a complete fool of ourselves again, Roxy. Hit it.]

[He's got the pen and paper out in a flash as soon as the loaded moments where he tries to work out exactly what she means by that. Of course he's going to agree to strip noughts and crosses.

He hastily draws the four lines required and slaps a nought in the centre.]

Bring it.

[WELL THAT WAS A FAST REACTION...okay. She leans over and draws her cross wherever. There is no losing in strip three in a row. She could gauge out his reaction if she takes off her shirt, and - she's pretty sure he's hot under his as well, so hey. Yeah.

Game on.]

[He's not sure of his hotness but she suggested it so he doesn't feel bad taking the first move.]

What happens if there's a draw?

[He puts a cross in the corner, right next to hers.]

I don't know, we both lose something? [Don't expect me to actually play off a game of three in a row, Iona.]

[He straightens up and tries to look attractive, if he's getting naked eventually he'd better try and make a good impression with his clothes on.]

Sure. [He gives her a bit of a smile.] Guess you didn't realise you challenged the master?

Sollux, you call yourself the master of something new like twice a day. [Squeezes another O in there, rolling her eyes - and taking a appreciative look of his physique too, let's be real.]

Leave some for the kids.

The kids can fucking earn it.

[He slaps down an X.]

The bar for being the master is set so low anyone could be the master if they even bothered to say 'hey yeah, I'm the master now, make a fucking line'.

Such a troll. [No nurture and love for these guys.

So, needless to say - she's not going to be mercifull at this. First shirt to come off will definitely be his.]

[One of his shoulders jerks in an uncomfortable half shrug. He's not sure if he's ever been compared to the troll ideal before. Not compared to and passed the mark.]

The horns don't exactly detach.

What a shame, because I've an affinity for yours.

[Another O.] Do you have two pairs because you're an extra-horny asshole?

[He places another X] That's a stupid fucking quest- [Wait. Hang on. This isn't right.

They're sitting down playing strip noughts and crosses.

And she's complimenting his horns.

That's flirting. Right. Human flirting is kind of weird but still actual flirting with the human girl, not her jerking his chain. He slaps himself on the forehead.]-ion.

Horny means lots of horns, doesn't it?

[He's pretty sure he got that right and angles his head down a bit towards her.] Want to touch?

[She doesn't say yeah I do, she just inches her chair closer and lifts her hand to run her fingers along the shape of each horn. They're really cool.

He's really pretty.] Horny means a lot of things.

[He breathes deep, stays calm. Someone touching his horns is always fucking weird, he can just feel it with the way she's tracing them, it's like if someone was playing with his toes underwater, or some other stupid fucking thing.]

That's kind of vague, you could let me into this big secret of horniness.

[She decides to take her time with this, take advantage of what could be a singular opportunity to touch those candycorn things. Runs her fingertips along the outer-shape, tracing each other very carefully.]

Mm, well. It can also mean being turned on.

[His face snaps into bright mustard territory. He might have managed to keep it together better but the dainty way she's running her fingers over his horns is more suggestive than it should be. Fucking humans with their weird, shitty sex terms.]

Why the fuck would it mean that.

I've no idea! [She was born in the future how the fuck would she know? She knows more about buckets and bulges than about vocabulary related to human sex, but you know - an object of her own culture.]

Maybe it's because in the wilderness, some beasts have horns. And when they're competing for a hot lady's choice ass, they bump horns together. So the hornier they are, the more likely to get laid. Are these sensitive?

[He shrugs.] I can feel it, it's kind of like ears. [Yes, Sollux. Of course she knows what you mean there.] You know ears. [Maybe he can be forgiven, he's got a hot girl's hand on his horns. Make anyone lose their cool.

He clears his throat.] Want to skip the noughts and crosses?

[He couldn't possibly be actually getting horny because of her, right? This is Sollux! He's a dick who let's her express that he's a dick and allows touch to happen but it's probably with the same intention as Dirk. Probably a 'oh, let silly Roxy do her silly things, I guess' sort of feeling. Still...

Her voice is surprisingly low when she answers, her other hand raised to run her fingertip along the shape of his ear, to gouge the difference between one and the other.] You scared I'll kick you ass and you'll have to get naked in front of me?

[No, ears are better. That was a stupid comparison. Fuck, she must think he's stupid now and with heat creeping from his cheeks into his ears he has no way of proving to her that's crap. It might not be crap. He laughs a little, fuck if he knows whether it's at her touches or her words, one thing it isn't is at her.]

Oh yeah sure because I have to worry about losing a game like that. A game that wigglers can dissect and understand totally before they're close to pupation. [He clears his throat which seems to have filled with something that sure as hell wasn't there before.] It would be more efficient.

[She pauses for a moment, hands on his ear and his horns, and thinks about why he told her to skip on the game. Does he want to just get naked as it is?? Maybe he thinks it's a human way of bonding but Roxy wants more substance than a few coding dates and noogies.

Aight, time to get real in this business..] Listen, Sollux, I think you're hot. Not in the sense that you've got a fever, but in the sense that I'd like to take you on dates and shove my tongue in your mouth. But I've done this whole pining hopelessly for years thing a few times before, and I'm sick of beating about the bush by now so just let me know if you're not interested. Okay?

[He'd thought he was blushing before. He'd thought he was blushing as hard as he could possibly blush. He feels like seven kinds of moron.

The pen still in his hand taps against the paper in a nervous gesture.]

No. [Pause, recalculates.] Wait-

Shit. Yes.

[Okay, mustard draining, he's not sure why she could find him attractive but he's always known humans were weird. He's got some composure to call his own again.]

I'm interested. You're hot and pretty smart [he leaves off "for a human". He'd be talking crap but just now he's not sure she'd realise that], what kind of dates are we talking? [He'd get clarification on the tongue in mouth too but he's pretty sure there's only one type of that.]

[Whoa, rollercoaster of reactions. No, wait, shit, yes. Finally she grins really widely. He called her hot. And pretty smart. Probably 'for a human', by his standards, but she'll take a guy who can appreciate her brain and her bod any day.]

Hrm, I don't know I've never been on one. What kind would you like?

[His shoulders jerk, he thought she was hot before, grinning like that she knocks it out of the water and it's destroying the scrap of coordination he has left.]

No, shit, I mean, [god damn it, talking to humans: way harder than talking to girls,] black or red or... [he trails off, cursing himself, last thing he wants is for her to turn around and say "oh yeah I really want to pap your face not stick my tongue in it".]

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Hot hackers, they're just like you but they're hot!

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